Divorce, another injury to a child

In recent years, China's divorce rate was graally rising trend, accounting for about marriage a few of 10%. Children of divorced parents on psychosomatic health can not be ignored negative impact. A related study shows that: 54% of divorced families of the children in emotional and emotional problems, manifested as depression little Huan, easily angered, and the tense relations between the same age children, and even heap, psychological and behavioral deviations. How to help children adapt to life after the divorce of their parents, will not affect the healthy development of their personality, psychologists recommended:

Grasping her own feelings: divorce, the vast majority of couples are not a happy thing. Abandoning the child as "punching bag" and venting their emotions, divorce is not the child's fault. We should continue to give their children a warm and caring can help children grow up.

To live together with their children: some divorced couples to take their children to the custody of their elders or other relatives, their only map where he considers safe. This will have the children feel abandoned by their parents, have inferiority and resentment, pessimistic turn hostile society. His father or mother after the divorce party should assume the obligation to bring up children, create a harmonious family home atmosphere.

Not that spouses坏话: Most of the children after their parents divorce, hope that they can reunion between, and is willing to maintain good relations with them. However, if the dependent child's party vandalism parent-child relationship, often in front of the children said that the former spouse坏话, not concive to the cultivation of mental health, this will affect their future happiness of love and marriage.

Communicate with your child: before and after the couple divorced in, we should talk more communication with their children, why should tell his parents divorce, the marriage to have a correct understanding of the objective, and not simply as which side is wrong. If the lack of communication, some children of divorced parents will be attributed to them, there can not悦纳themselves, the loss of self-confidence, and other psychological crisis, vulnerable emerging extreme acts.

Do not deprive parents love: not by blood between husband and wife, although the divorce, but parents and children of the parent-child relationship will never change. Some people, after divorce, child custody prohibit their former spouses and relatives between the exchanges, forcing kids do not recognize this gate relatives, to express their grievances, all of which are undesirable. After the divorce both parents should not be lightly denied the integrity of the children's love, perfect for the child's personality can be more caring.

The child is innocent, the divorced parents should love to give them a little care, do not let children have been hurt by divorce. Even when one of remarriage, should also regularly visit the children, sharing family happiness.











关键词②:Psychology filetype:pdf




A Dream's Worth, Lesson on Psychology of Dreams

A picture is worth a thousand words. You've heard it so many times that it sounds trite. But a picture really IS worth a thousand words. And if a dream is a very special kind of picture, how much is IT worth? Maybe more? What about very simple pictures and very simple dreams? No doubt they're worth a little bit less than complex, elaborate ones.

Or are they?

In my psychotherapy course one day, I presented my undergraate students with these questions. "Here's a very simple dream from a psychotherapy client I worked with years ago. I won't tell you anything about the client. I'll just tell you his dream, and then lets see what we can discover about him by exploring it...... O.K? Here's the dream:"

"I was wearing a white shirt and a purple tie."

The students just stare at me, expecting more to come. "No," I explain, "that's it. That's the dream. Now let's start to explore it."

I then lead them through a group process of free associating to the dream (much like I describe on the Working and Playing with Dreams Page). "Just let your imagination go. Take every element of the dream and just let your mind wander on it. Whatever comes to mind. Don't censor anything, that's important. There is no right or wrong. It can be a fun, playful exercise - although the results sometimes may be serious and powerful. Freud thought that free association bypasses the defenses of rational, logical thinking and unlocks deeper links within the unconscious. It opens one up to fantasy, symbolism, and emotion - the very place from which dreams spring."

Here is a list of some of the associations the students come up with. For the purpose of this article I've organized them somewhat, whereas ring the actual exercise the ideas surface in a much more freewheeling stream of consciousness:

PURPLE .... royalty, bruises, choking, holding one's breath, grief, a combination of blue and pink, goes well with black, The Color of Purple

TIE .... formal attire, going to work, phallic symbol, tied up, being tied to something, chokes the neck, confining

PURPLE TIE .... unconventional, stands out, rebellious, showing off

WHITE .... clean, pure, unstained, "good," light

SHIRT .... the top part, covered up, tucked in, stuffed shirt, where are the pants?

WHITE SHIRT.... conventional, boring, going to work, going to church, corporate America

WHITE SHIRT AND PURPLE TIE.... unusual combination, contradictory combination, very unconventional, tie really stands out

DEPLETION?.... there's nobody else in the dream, it's so static, there's nothing happening, where are the feelings?

After we finish this free associating, I then describe the client to the class.

At the time Dan had the dream, he was 23 years old. I would describe him as a quiet, held-back person who was very confined (the tie) in how he talked, behaved, and felt towards others. Put bluntly, people found him rather boring to be with (white shirt). His emotional and interpersonal life were choked (the tie). He had almost no friends and felt little connection to his family (the tie again). Other than going to his tedious job (white shirt) as a low level technician for a computer company, essentially nothing was happening in his static, uneventful life (depletion).

Dan was also very limited in understanding anything but the most surface, top-level (shirt) characteristics of his personality. Although outwardly conventional in how he dressed and acted at his job (white shirt), secretly he felt rebellious against authority (purple tie on white shirt) and generally superior (purple) to most people. He liked to think of himself as a political activist who firmly believed in the rights of abused (purple) people and felt more tied to them than anyone else. Comparing outside to inside, he was a bit of a contradiction (white shirt on purple tie).

But none of these issues is what consciously drove him to therapy. What he most desperately needed to discuss and resolve was the fact that he was homosexual (purple tie). Yet he didn't know whether he wanted to come out of the closet or not (the tie). Part of him wanted to let everyone know, to even show off and parade the fact that he was gay (purple tie on white shirt), to escape the feeling that his identity was being restrained and choked (more tie). His rebellious, unconventional side liked that idea. He sometimes did indeed bravely experiment with revealing his gay identity by wearing a purple triangle, which to him symbolized being homosexual (a combination of pink and blue).

But another side of him (purple tie versus white shirt) was afraid to come out. He sometimes felt dirty, tainted, sick, for being gay. That part of him wanted to be somehow cleansed and redeemed (white shirt). Part of the problem was that sex in general was a very unpleasant issue for him. When he was young he had had surgery on his genitals. He still felt insecure and "bruised" (purple) down there. He was so conflicted about sex that I sometimes wondered if he had been sexually abused as a child (purple tie?, suffocating tie?).

A dream, even a simple one, is worth at least a thousand words. Freud thought that there was no limit to how much you could analyze a dream. You can always go further and further into the symbols, the links of associations, the memories that generate a dream. At some deep unconscious level, any dream fans out into the infinite horizon of emotion and thought that constitute the indivial psyche... that even transcends the indivial psyche and constitutes us all.